From GoldinUniverse.

Name: Akira
Date: 11/27/2009
Colorgenics Number: 21076453

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

The way things are you are under considerable stress and you feel that there is little hope of matters righting themselves. Everyone about you seems to aggravate the problem even more. You feel that at this time you need to be alone and you are right - move back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You are a perfectionist in everything that you put your hand to. You are demanding and very exacting in the standards you apply to your choice of colleagues and friends -perhaps you demand too much from people. That perfection you seek in a particular person is illusive - perhaps it does not even exist.

You are experiencing extreme frustration at this point of time, trying to achieve security and peace of mind, but whatever you seem to do doesn't effect the situation. You are worn out and your energy is being seriously depleted. You may be experiencing what is known as 'heartache' - both mentally and physically. You are a listener and you listen and respond to everything that is going on around you. You feel that all that life has to offer should be within your grasp and you would like to participate in every part of it but the situation is such that every door seems to be closed to you. You just can't understand why that is. But it is - and what's more you feel powerless to change it.

Overwork - be it mental stress or physical strain, you are completely worn out and this depleted vitality has created an intolerance for any further stimulation. You feel disappointed with your obvious lack of energy and powerless to do anything about it. You are angry with yourself and this frustration shows. You are contradictory and argumentative and feel helpless to change the situation at this time. Take a break - even if it is only for a few days - allow yourself to breath, to unwind - you'll feel much better for it. Then trust and let go.

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LOL I'm really just one big psycho case.

This is a story of how a girl got into an accident and using pieces of herself is recreated by her parents using technology. And this is how she deals with her own humanity (or inhumanity).

I think that this book was alright. There were moments when I thought that the book would turn Twilight-esque but it doesn't. I like the way that the book reflects the thoughts. I think I would have thought in a similar way as Jenna did. And that makes it believeable. It makes Jenna Fox human despite all. It might have had a too perfect ending in the end but it's also enough to convince me. But in the end I wonder to myself, is Ethan really ok with a teenage wife for the rest of his life. Is Kayla ok with a teenage mother for the rest of her life? Is Alyss ok with being alone? With no Ethan by her side? Wasn't she ever envious of Jenna and Ethan? And what was Dane's deal anyway? There is a story for him but it's incomplete. What was he trying to do?

And she never went on to what other possibilities that could happen. If Jenna was acceptable, why not make superhumans? Why not make the decision to change yourself when you're fully healthy?

Why do they live at the same place for 200 years? Wouldn't she have traveled instead? Like the vampires, I wonder how she could stay with someone for 200 years. So many road could have been tread but it doesn't matter. The end that came was a truly optimistic one despite all the dark sides and pitfalls that could have been. It's an optimistic view.

Funny enough, it reminds me a lot of the Uglies series, it has the same feel but a different dimension. I think we should read more of these books. For so long people have been predicting the future in science. And now, that world is slowly coming true. And it's up to this generation to shape it. And as we've seen the possibility of viral idea's, idea's can truly change the world. So the books, the stories, can really change things as we know it.

PS: Must dig out Nancy Farmer book and read it.

It doen't matter, emotions. Feelings.

In a cold world. A world of rational thoughts. A world of science and logic. There is no such thing as sentiments and fantasy. There is no place for it, this irregularity. There is no rationality, no link between its creation and its being. No reason for it other than... it's own reason.
There is no set of probabilities that apply. There no logical prediction. You can't say that it will happen. Or that it will not happen. No will, no rhyme nor reason. We'd never know how it happened.

There are just so many within its spectrum. In every language, in every form. In words, in movement, in touch. In stories, in movies, in song. So many types, and yet, like an endless stream, there is always more.

Love. Hate. Happiness. Sadness. Calmness. Excitement. Anger. Hopeful. Anxiety.

It could be, it could not be. It may and it may not. The coin under the cup. The red pill or the blue pill. Schrodinger's cat.

It what makes us human I suppose.

 I have no doubts that I am your regular run-in-the-mill youth. This is fact is severely highlighted with the fact that I'm nowhere on top of the game. I'm in a University that never name it to the top 100. I'm not even the best in my class. I may have big dreams but so do many other people. I get riled up by many things that I believe are wrong. I strongly disagree on discrimination and closed minds. I strongly disagree on war and abuse and child prositution.  

Strange things happen to people everyday but sometimes people just brush it off anyway and go on with their lives like nothing had happened at all. As if it was no miracle, no omen, nothing.  Like lightbulbs exploding for no reason. Like friends suddenly appearing when you least expect it. Like the car crash or explosion that was so close by. We live in the shuttered blinds of our lives never knowing more than what we know. Never seeing more than what we see. Oblivious to the links and signs that make up the lines of fate and destiny. But to err is to be human. And human is what I am.

I spoke to lala yesterday yesterday night. I haven't spoken to her for a long long long time. But there was something really really special that night. (Other than  discovering Youtube video's of James McAvoy). I talked to lala as I rarely talked before, seeing introspections of my life that on some level I deduced and understood but had never been spoken out or written as I had said it to her. I wish could remember all that I said. I don't recall acurately about what I talked about. Some of it was about friends, boyfriends, studying and my situation right now, I'd write them up sometime later I suppose. Just yesterday I watched Tron (in event of the new Tron Legecy that is coming out next year). It was released in 1982 and I think it's so cool how they thought it all up! I can't wait to see how Tron Legecy looks like! (But it's so funny how I thought the circuitboard was like a city. And in Tron it is! :D)

But despite the fact that I'm actually bogged down by work and exams and societies and projects I still find myself going out. Going off tangent. Going to places. It might be a good thing... But it might be really bad too. But not here.

;)

*signs off*

 No wonder people really really love Notting Hill. It's horribly endearing. There are just so many times that I almost seem to tear up. I really really like this. 

 I have not written for quite a while now. (echoes: For quite a while, for quite a while) And today, a Friday, I could do anything I want in the morning. And so I woke up (and prayed) and studied Japanese. (Note: Tae Kim's guide is a good one!)

 I think I fooled around long enough. Playing voyeur and irritant on Facebook. But before I start working I have to share some things.

 I have questioned myself again and again about my goals and motivations. What makes me do the things I do, what makes me feel the way I feel. But one thing I never truly questioned was why. Why was I feeling the way I do? I do not question this because there is no answer for it. None that I know at least. It may lead to questions of the very essence of being human. Happiness and sadness. It may lead to questions of how I've been brought up, the very essence of my being, my personality. There may have been dabbles of fate and chance. Or it could be nothing at all. What I do is not a big deal.

(I start from when Jean-Baptiste is hired by the perfumier.)

The arrogance of the man is overwhelming. He an old and great man. He is a great perfumier that has worked his craft for years. And yet when he see's this dirty young man professing to know how to make perfume (and having the best nose in the world) and proving it to him, the boy is treated with the worst and rudest of manner.  But then he is used. Used to get the formulae's of so many beautiful perfumes.  

There's a reason why I am enamoured with the arts. I am totally and irrevocaly in love with my books, my music, my movies and comic books. Living it (to me) is a life worth living. A life worth the pain, the horror and (at times) the mere torture of breathing. The emotions they evoke, the thoughts they present, the very idea of creating stirs my very soul. This is why I want to be here. This is why I am.

 I wonder from time to time. When will HE come? When will HE, the love of my life, my other half, my destiny set forth and introduce himself? When will I finally embark on the journey so dreamed of ever since young? I must not run around and find him like a lost key. And yet I mustn't just stand around and wait for miracles to happen. They say when it comes it comes. But it hasn't happened yet. I'm still stuck in this limbo. Watching and waiting. And hoping for something that might be anything and everything and nothing all at once. I am here with no experience to my name. I stand innocent and virginal. (And by this time I wonder if it's because I'm totally unattractive.) 

 It's so easy to see that i have done nothing. No books have finished being written. No artwork to display in a deviantart page. Not even good results or a good placement in a prestigious university. No achievements, no world changing event. Nothing.

 It might seem a little retarded and I might have talked about it one too many times. But I am a girl. I am self concious. It doesn't bother me most times but at other moments it does. 

 I don't remember where that word came from... But it sounds so glamorous... 

An interesting subject I stumbled upon. Gender and Masculinity. It's a new subject taught at the Social Sciences faculty. I was really interested about it ever since Gabrielle sort of introduced it to me when she wanted to write a book about the emancipation of men and breaking them out of their mold. I was asking myself the need for this and I realize that it's very true. 

And this story... This story is a good one.... From the Gender Centre.... And I think it's so cool...

Days of inactivy and aimless wondering has brought me back here to the screen and once again I face my words. 

 From here. 

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

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Jojo was right... This is sort of accurate...